How To Find an LGBTQIA+ Affirming Therapist in Washington State
"I want a therapist who gets it."
People say this in many different ways. Sometimes they mean they do not want to explain pronouns every session. Sometimes they mean they are tired of feeling misunderstood. Sometimes they mean they want to talk about anxiety, relationships, grief, parenting, or stress without spending half the session educating someone about who they are. For many LGBTQIA+ people, finding a therapist is not simply about finding someone who accepts them. It is about finding someone they can show up with fully. If you are starting therapy for the first time, figuring out where to begin can feel overwhelming. If you have tried therapy before and had a difficult experience, it can feel even harder.
Understand The Difference Between Friendly and Affirming
Many therapists genuinely care about LGBTQIA+ people and want clients to feel welcome. That matters. But affirming care often goes beyond acceptance alone.
Affirming care generally means a therapist understands that gender identity, sexuality, family structures, relationships, culture, and experiences in the world can shape emotional wellbeing and daily life. It also means recognizing that stress sometimes comes from systems around us rather than from identity itself.
Affirming therapists also understand that LGBTQIA+ people are not one group with one experience.
For example, the needs of a nonbinary college student may look very different from those of a queer parent, a transgender adult navigating healthcare systems, or someone exploring identity later in life.
Read Therapist Profiles Like You Are Looking for Clues
Many people skim therapist profiles looking only for insurance or availability. Try slowing down. Look for specifics.
Do they mention experience with LGBTQIA+ clients?
Do they mention gender-affirming care?
Do they mention working with polyamorous relationships, neurodivergence, trauma, or other experiences important to you?
Do they describe how they work with clients?
Research on the therapeutic alliance consistently finds that the relationship between therapist and client is one of the strongest predictors of positive outcomes. Finding a therapist is often less about finding the "best" therapist and more about finding someone who feels like a good fit.
Questions You Can Ask During a Consultation
Many people do not realize they are allowed to ask questions during a consultation. You are.
Some examples:
"What experience do you have working with LGBTQIA+ clients?"
"How would you describe your approach?"
"Have you worked with people with experiences similar to mine?"
"What does affirming care look like in your practice?"
You are not trying to test anyone.
You are trying to understand whether you can imagine being honest with this person.
Pay Attention To How You Feel
You do not need to immediately trust someone deeply after one conversation.But you can notice things.
Do you feel respected?
Do you feel listened to?
Do you feel like you are explaining basic parts of yourself?
Can you imagine disagreeing with them?
Can you imagine eventually talking about difficult things?
Trust often develops over time, but feeling emotionally safe matters.
Finding the Right Therapist Sometimes Takes More Than One Try
One difficult therapy experience does not necessarily mean therapy is not for you. Sometimes people meet with someone who is not the right fit. Sometimes people never feel fully understood. Sometimes people need a different approach or simply need something different than they did before. Finding a therapist can sometimes feel a little like trying on shoes. Something can look great on paper and still not fit once you actually start walking around in it.
A Note From Our Practice
At Femme & Them, we provide LGBTQIA+ affirming therapy across Washington State through telehealth. Every clinician on our team is queer and/or trans, and many of our clients come to us wanting a place where they can focus on their lives rather than spending sessions explaining who they are.
You do not need to know exactly what to ask before starting therapy. You do not need perfect words. You can simply begin where you are.
